There are so many greeting cards, movies, and songs about the power of love that it seems like love should conquer every roadblock in its way. How is it possible that love can seemingly move mountains and yet you can have World War III over how your partner brushes their teeth? Clearly, there must be more to maintaining a good relationship than strong feelings. Our habits and behaviors around cultivating a relationship can make it last longer than mere emotion alone. See our list of ten ways to work on your relationship below
1. Don’t Give Up
The most important ingredient in maintaining a relationship is actually staying in it. If you are serious about your partner, do not leave at the first sign of trouble. Every relationship, no matter how good, will have problems. Work on them, even if is tough, painful, or uncomfortable.
2. Don’t Check Out
Almost as dangerous and destructive as walking out on a relationship, emotionally checking out hurts everyone involved. If you partner has done something that you feel like you cannot forgive, be honest with yourself about that–do not simply fade out of the relationship. Many issues require a great deal of problem-solving and soul-searching. Do yourself and your partner a favor and be present emotionally.
3. Avoid Punishing Behavior
So your husband had to work late and missed your dinner date. Do not punish him by refusing to see his parents this weekend or by giving him the cold shoulder. If you are upset about something, talk about it and try to reach peace with the situation, rather than striking back.
4. Be A Team Player
Many problems in a relationship result from selfish behavior from one of the parties involved. Do you assume your wife will watch football with you and yet you refuse to sit through her makeover show? Or, is one person always stuck buying uniforms for the kids or carting them around to soccer practice? Selfish behavior builds resentment. Be honest about your behavior and be willing to change.
5.Talk to Each Other
Why does your boyfriend withdraw affection when you complain? Why did your girlfriend get so upset when you were talking to a female coworker at the office party? All couples have baggage. If you do not take the time to discover the root causes for your partner’s feelings, you will always hit roadblocks. Perhaps a former significant other cheated on them or they have a rocky relationship with a parent. Understanding each other will help you plan around conflicts when they arise.
6.Try Something New
Patterns of conflict can be established in a relationship. These obstacles can be hard to sidestep when they are part of our everyday habits. Change up your routine or trade a task with your partner. The newness will help your relationship, and it will allow you to avoid potential emotional landmines.
7.Understand Each Other’s Needs
Different needs are generally the source of every conflict. Maybe your wife needs to feel like she is more important to you than your buddies, and that is why she is sulking over your weekend fishing trip. Getting past the surface reason for a conflict–like petty everyday arguments–and finding the real problem will help you put small fights to rest for good.
8.Money Matters
Since we were all raised in different families with different spending habits, most individuals come into a relationship with conflicting priorities about money. If you are a saver and your significant other is a spender, this creates an ever-present turf-war around the checkbook. Talk openly and talk early in the relationship about financial roles and expectations.
9.Make Your Relationship A Priority
Many arguments arise because one party in a relationship begins to feel slighted. Maybe your boyfriend looks at other women when you go out, so you decide to go alone. Maybe your girlfriend makes you feel inadequate, so you retreat to guy’s nights and your man cave. Perhaps your job is so competitive that you feel it needs your constant attention, or your kids are going through a dramatic phase. Whatever the cause, many of us stop working on our relationships, and they suffer. Make having a good relationship with your partner your number one priority.
10.Seek Help
Few of us are adequately trained or prepared to handle the stuff that life throws at us. If your relationships is on the rocks or could simply use some improvement, seek out a relationship counselor to help your work on your problems.
